It's that time of the year again and if your house is anything like my house, you have a steady supply of tissues, or toilet paper, right now.
Amanda has been out of school all week w/fever and cold like (or, dare I say it, FLU like) symptoms. Now, today, David is home with 101 temp. and similar symptoms. So far, Eddie and I are healthy. Michaela is, too. I wonder how long the three of us will last? It's my guess that Eddie will be fine until it is time to return to work. Wouldn't that just be how life goes?
I emailed David's teacher and she said that their class has been hit hard. It's a wonder that the schools are even bothering this year. The teachers are going to be teaching the chairs pretty soon.
I hate to say this, but I think some of you will relate. It's sorta nice that David and Amanda are home sick. We'll get a chance to watch a movie together. Drink hot chocolate together. Eat junk (what else is there when you're sick?) and just chill. Sorta a relaxing day. I'm sure I'll be chomping at the bit later after hours of listening to a hacking cough. But, for now, it'll be nice to enjoy our time together. Hopefully, they'll heal quickly and be up and running around soon.
So, in the meantime, pass the tissues, please!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Ch Ch Ch Changes.....
It's been a long, long, long time since I last blogged. It seems like life has been moving along rapidly and my thoughts are being left in the dust, without the chance to really form into a concrete thought pattern.
At my last post, I was interviewing for various jobs. I did finally land a job w/the local grocery store, Weavers Market. I'm now your friendly, neighborhood cashier and bagger. I work evenings until closing, which, depending on the day is either 9 or 10pm. I have been working part of my Sat, too. I just interviewed for another position w/the IU (a corp that helps in the classrooms w/special needs children). So far, that seems really promising. They've actually called and spoken to some of my references already and told my references that they were impressed w/me. We'll see where that goes.
My heart has been twisted in several different directions. I really battled looking for work to begin with because it felt like something was being robbed from me. Eddie and I sacrificed so much so that I could stay home with the kids and this year was supposed to be the year that I got to stay home and wait for my last child to come home from 1/2 day K and spend the afternoon with her. I earned that, after all, didn't I? I was looking forward to coffee w/the other Moms, running errands ALONE, having time with Eddie (since he is out of work still), and spending time exercising, reading my Bible, etc.
Then, Eddie's shut down got extended by a month and it was clear that I needed a job asap. So, I began looking for work. Somewhere in that process, God spoke to my heart and told me how selfish I was being and that really, any time I have off from the kids or duties isn't just my time to do whatever I feel like with it. It's His time. So, I began to consider other ways that I could use my time and realized that working or volunteering would be a better use of any time I had than just soaking it all up for ME. Not that I can't or shouldn't have time for me, but I was making this entire thing about me....which is never good. At that point, I interviewed w/Weavers and landed the evening job.
That ended up being a relief b/c I still have my daytime to do some of the things that I envisioned and can still volunteer in Amanda's class. And, I'm thinking about doing nursing home visitation, too...but I need to see how the IU turns out first. It seemed like as soon as I started asking God what He wanted me to do with my time and I was okay letting go of it, He gave it back to me. How awesome is that?
Shortly after I got the job at Weavers another blow to my heart took place. Amanda was being offered EDK...extended day kindergarten. She needs extra help w/her letters, etc. so after her am K session, she has lunch, recess, and then attends another class for extra help w/a diff teacher and 14 other students. It was hard enough letting my last baby go off to school and grow up more but it was entirely different to let her be gone all day long. I really battled guilt as a Mom...feeling like I failed her somehow. And, feeling like I'd be saying a long farewell to her..sooner than I expected b/c now, instead of seeing her for 1/2 day, I'd see her for about an hour...before I had to go to work.
The next twist in my heart came when I found out, at about that same time, that David was going to be entered in the reading support program. Again, the guilt. I failed him, too. I didn't have him reading enough over the Summer. Now, he had to adjust to going from 1/2 day K last year to a full day schedule in 1st gr this year AND a new reading support program, too. Ugh!
In the midst of all of these changes, I have had to fight against feelings of guilt and loss. Going into the school year, I was prepared to say goodbye to a lot of things. Goodbye to long summer nights chasing fireflies and making smores over the fire pit. Goodbye to seeing the kids and doing things w/them on a random basis. I was also ready to say hello to some things, too. Hello to homework. Hello to less time as a family. Hello to illness. Hello to busy schedules. I knew what to expect. I didn't expect working 20 hrs a wk and only seeing the fam for abt an hr. I didn't expect to say goodbye to family suppers. I didn't expect to say goodbye to reading bedtime stories. I didn't expect to say goodbye to bedside chatter w/sleepy kids. I didn't expect to say goodbye to family fun nite on Fridays. I didn't expect to say goodbye to social Saturdays. I didn't expect having to say goodbye to our youngest child to the full school day. There's a mourning process that takes place when you let go of so many things at once. And, some days I hardly feel it at all but other times, it's a more pressing pain.
I think that there are more changes coming, too. If I take the job w/the IU during the day, it'll bring more changes. When Eddie returns to work, it'll bring more changes. He goes back on Oct 29th. How is he going to handle going to work for 10-12 hrs and then coming home to deal w/supper, homework, scouts, trumpet practice, baths, bedtime? When will we see each other? He will most likely be in bed, or just about in bed by the time I get in. But, I can't focus on that, because it's too far away. We have to take it as it comes. At least I do. I can't ponder on it because it will only discourage me. I can't see the future so I'm not going to imagine that I can see how our lives will look down the road. I just have to mount those obstacles as they come.
As I look ahead to the changes that are coming, I keep reminding myself that God is there in the midst of the changes with us. Just as He's gotten us through every other hard time, He'll give us the strength and the grace to stand up under these times, too. He doesn't always make the situation easier (sometimes He does) but He does promise that you'll have the strength and the grace to handle what you're walking through.
Now that I've finally unburdened my heart and caught everyone up to date, it's time to go accomplish some other tasks. I don't know what you're facing as you read this. But, remember, no matter what it is, life is good. It's not always easy. But it's good. No day is exactly alike. The things you are facing today will vanish. And, most importantly, through it all, God is with you in it and through it...waiting....not forcing Himself in your life, but there if you chose to accept the peace and grace He offers. It's what has gotten me through all of our changes and what will sustain me through the ones ahead.
At my last post, I was interviewing for various jobs. I did finally land a job w/the local grocery store, Weavers Market. I'm now your friendly, neighborhood cashier and bagger. I work evenings until closing, which, depending on the day is either 9 or 10pm. I have been working part of my Sat, too. I just interviewed for another position w/the IU (a corp that helps in the classrooms w/special needs children). So far, that seems really promising. They've actually called and spoken to some of my references already and told my references that they were impressed w/me. We'll see where that goes.
My heart has been twisted in several different directions. I really battled looking for work to begin with because it felt like something was being robbed from me. Eddie and I sacrificed so much so that I could stay home with the kids and this year was supposed to be the year that I got to stay home and wait for my last child to come home from 1/2 day K and spend the afternoon with her. I earned that, after all, didn't I? I was looking forward to coffee w/the other Moms, running errands ALONE, having time with Eddie (since he is out of work still), and spending time exercising, reading my Bible, etc.
Then, Eddie's shut down got extended by a month and it was clear that I needed a job asap. So, I began looking for work. Somewhere in that process, God spoke to my heart and told me how selfish I was being and that really, any time I have off from the kids or duties isn't just my time to do whatever I feel like with it. It's His time. So, I began to consider other ways that I could use my time and realized that working or volunteering would be a better use of any time I had than just soaking it all up for ME. Not that I can't or shouldn't have time for me, but I was making this entire thing about me....which is never good. At that point, I interviewed w/Weavers and landed the evening job.
That ended up being a relief b/c I still have my daytime to do some of the things that I envisioned and can still volunteer in Amanda's class. And, I'm thinking about doing nursing home visitation, too...but I need to see how the IU turns out first. It seemed like as soon as I started asking God what He wanted me to do with my time and I was okay letting go of it, He gave it back to me. How awesome is that?
Shortly after I got the job at Weavers another blow to my heart took place. Amanda was being offered EDK...extended day kindergarten. She needs extra help w/her letters, etc. so after her am K session, she has lunch, recess, and then attends another class for extra help w/a diff teacher and 14 other students. It was hard enough letting my last baby go off to school and grow up more but it was entirely different to let her be gone all day long. I really battled guilt as a Mom...feeling like I failed her somehow. And, feeling like I'd be saying a long farewell to her..sooner than I expected b/c now, instead of seeing her for 1/2 day, I'd see her for about an hour...before I had to go to work.
The next twist in my heart came when I found out, at about that same time, that David was going to be entered in the reading support program. Again, the guilt. I failed him, too. I didn't have him reading enough over the Summer. Now, he had to adjust to going from 1/2 day K last year to a full day schedule in 1st gr this year AND a new reading support program, too. Ugh!
In the midst of all of these changes, I have had to fight against feelings of guilt and loss. Going into the school year, I was prepared to say goodbye to a lot of things. Goodbye to long summer nights chasing fireflies and making smores over the fire pit. Goodbye to seeing the kids and doing things w/them on a random basis. I was also ready to say hello to some things, too. Hello to homework. Hello to less time as a family. Hello to illness. Hello to busy schedules. I knew what to expect. I didn't expect working 20 hrs a wk and only seeing the fam for abt an hr. I didn't expect to say goodbye to family suppers. I didn't expect to say goodbye to reading bedtime stories. I didn't expect to say goodbye to bedside chatter w/sleepy kids. I didn't expect to say goodbye to family fun nite on Fridays. I didn't expect to say goodbye to social Saturdays. I didn't expect having to say goodbye to our youngest child to the full school day. There's a mourning process that takes place when you let go of so many things at once. And, some days I hardly feel it at all but other times, it's a more pressing pain.
I think that there are more changes coming, too. If I take the job w/the IU during the day, it'll bring more changes. When Eddie returns to work, it'll bring more changes. He goes back on Oct 29th. How is he going to handle going to work for 10-12 hrs and then coming home to deal w/supper, homework, scouts, trumpet practice, baths, bedtime? When will we see each other? He will most likely be in bed, or just about in bed by the time I get in. But, I can't focus on that, because it's too far away. We have to take it as it comes. At least I do. I can't ponder on it because it will only discourage me. I can't see the future so I'm not going to imagine that I can see how our lives will look down the road. I just have to mount those obstacles as they come.
As I look ahead to the changes that are coming, I keep reminding myself that God is there in the midst of the changes with us. Just as He's gotten us through every other hard time, He'll give us the strength and the grace to stand up under these times, too. He doesn't always make the situation easier (sometimes He does) but He does promise that you'll have the strength and the grace to handle what you're walking through.
Now that I've finally unburdened my heart and caught everyone up to date, it's time to go accomplish some other tasks. I don't know what you're facing as you read this. But, remember, no matter what it is, life is good. It's not always easy. But it's good. No day is exactly alike. The things you are facing today will vanish. And, most importantly, through it all, God is with you in it and through it...waiting....not forcing Himself in your life, but there if you chose to accept the peace and grace He offers. It's what has gotten me through all of our changes and what will sustain me through the ones ahead.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)