Friendships

I used to think that when I didn't hear from my friends, that they were either busy and couldn't find time for me, or that they didn't want to spend time w/me. I realized something though. Sometimes, when a friend is silent, it may mean that they're struggling through something.

I think I have come to rely on FB and email way too much, as a means of keeping up friendships. When I write an email or a wall post, it does let the person know that I am thinking of them, but it can't replace an actual phone call or a face to face encounter. There's just something about actually speaking w/someone that connects you to them and what they are going through. I realized that I use those other means of communication as a way of protecting myself, too. If I post on someone's wall, or shoot them an email, there's less personal investment on the line for me and I don't stand as a high a chance of being rejected....it's a wall...a protective wall. But, I know now, that it not only stands as a wall to protect me, but it stands as a wall to keep me from coming alongside someone and being a true friend to them.

I recently spoke w/someone and found out that they were going through a ton of stuff in the past year and I had no clue. I had FB them and emailed them but had very few conversations. I apologized and said that I had no idea that they needed a friend and apologized for not being there. The person I was talking to said, "sometimes when you are going through a struggle, you don't even think to reach out to anyone." That sat on me like a lead weight. There are too too many times when I view other's people's silence, or lack of interaction w/me as a personal affront, not stopping to think that maybe the reason I don't hear from someone is because they are so deep in the mire that they can't even get their head above the surface long enough to make a phone call to me.

I know that I have friends who will most likely be just my FB buddies or my email buddies b/c of distance or what have you. And, in those circumstances, I'm grateful for the technology to keep us all connected. But, for those friendships that are local and nearby, I realize that I need to start letting my walls down and actually CALL ppl and speak to them... not just use FB or email to stay in touch. I was reminded that in taking the time to talk w/others, I'm allowing them to come alongside me and then I'm able to come alongside them. And, no matter how hard I try, that just isn't something that I can do w/FB and email alone. They are great tools for me...but that's just it...they're tools. And, I've allowed them to replace the realness of relationships w/others.

So, that's what I've learned lately. I hope I allow it to teach me and change me.