Blogging

 Hello!

It has been years since I wrote a blog. I think I might start blogging again.  It helps me to sort my thoughts. 

I don't know what I will focus on in future blogs. It might be mental health, faith, family, personal growth and challenges. I'm not sure. 

Stay tuned for new content!

Confessions of a Graduate Student

     I've been a graduate student now for roughly three years.  I have roughly one year left to go and then I will be finished with my schooling.   As I sit here trying to type a paper for my practicum supervisor, I find my mind drifting off to other places.  Usually, this is an indication that I need a break.  Or food.  Or coffee.  Or all of the above.  I'm taking the former.
     Since I am in break mode, I decided to sit and write about something besides scholarly material.  I so seldom do that anymore.
     I have a confession to make. I'm exhausted.  I'm frustrated. I'm lonely.  I'm in a battle against myself.  I'm battling selfishness, jealousy, and mediocrity.
     I just want to do the things that normal people seem to be doing.  They spend time with their families, with their children, with their friends.  They go out on weekends and make memories with their loved ones.  They spend time with their church family and attend Bible studies and women's retreats.  They have conversations with other adults and with their spouses that last longer than 10 minutes.
    I want all of those things, too.  And yet, I sit here wondering how I can squeeze it in.  What can I cut out of my life to make room and energy for any of those things?  I find myself blaming myself for not being able to be as involved as I want to be with others.  I also find myself being frustrated at seeing life pass me by.  My kids are getting older. My husband is tired from work.  My friends are living full and busy lives.   My parents are aging.  I'm keenly aware of all of these things. And, I want to reach out and grab hold of these things and hit pause.
     I want to slow time down and sit outside with my husband and take time treasuring our quiet moments together. I want to take the children somewhere and make memories with them. I want to visit with my extended family and take in the love and laughter that I find there and store it up in my heart.  I want to sit with a friend over coffee and catch up on life with each other.  I want to be close to my church family and be a part of the women's retreats.  Instead, I see a calender full of appointments, a house crying out to be cleaned, a yard that is about a week overdue for being mowed, assignments that are going to be due soon, and a busy summer of further isolation and disconnectedness (due to travel, classes, and work).
      Yet, I know I am not alone. I know that we live in an age of isolation and disconnection, despite all the social media that exists.  Because social media does not fill the God given need we have to be a part of close and loving relationships.  It's time for me to reclaim that aspect of my life.   It will mean sacrificing housework and school work to a certain extent and being very intentional about how I use my time.
    So, instead of looking with longing at the lives of others around me, it's time for me to focus on the blessing that I do have and on restructuring my life to make the people in it matter.

I know it might sound strange to some, but I really mean it when I say that I lost my best friend when my dog, Rex died.  Right or wrong as it may be, I was, and still am, attached to him.  I know that there are some out there that say, "it's just an animal", or "he was just a dog", or still yet, "what's wrong with you that you were so attached to an animal?"  All I can say is, he was special and he had a part of my heart. 

For me, he was a blessing, a gift from God.   Just as my husband, Eddie, and my three children, Michaela, David-Matthew, and Amanda are.  Just like my human friends are. Just like every single thing that is a part of my daily life and being are blessings to me.  Every good thing in my life, whether furry or otherwise, is a gift. 

Rex was special because his love was unconditional.  All he wanted was a happy, safe, love filled home, and he had that, and more.   He was there for me when I was down. When I was sick. When my children needing comfort or healing.  He was there when I needed to get out and walk to clear my head.  He went with me to countless places, just happy to be with me. 

Who else is ready at the drop of a hat to go for a car ride to who knows where? Who else gets excited about going along on errands?  Who else listens to my complaints, feelings, concerns, questions, without showing disinterest or negativity?  His companionship and love were boundless.  I think that I'm not just mourning the loss of a pet. I'm mourning the loss of acceptance.  He accepted me.  And, when I look at what I yearn for from others, it's acceptance.  Acceptance of my crappy moods. Acceptance of myself as myself....the nitty gritty details of being me.   Acceptance of my needs and wants and desires.  There was total security in that.  There was no fear in that. There was no risk in that.  The only risk I had was the risk of loving him and losing him. 

There is only one other that can love like that (and more) and that's God.  His acceptance of me and love for me exceeds that of Rex's...by FAR.   And, I know that.  Yet, Rex was a tangible expression of that love and if nothing else, I am glad that I was able to see it lived out because it is just how God accepts me.  He accepts me like my dog did.....without question and with an enduring, boundless, endless love. 

People fail me.  I fail me.  That's all part of life.  Rex never failed me.  If anything, I failed him again and again.  What could be a better portrayal of how God loves me. He never failed me, though I failed Him.  While I mourn the loss of Rex, I am reminded of why his life was so important to me.  I will never be able to replace him but I can examine the life that he and I shared together and find the blessings and the gifts that our time gave me. 

Story

This is the story that I wrote for Amanda. I copied and pasted it from my documents folder.  I'm sorry that the paragraphs and indentations didn't copy and paste correctly, Please read it over anyway and let me know what you think.  I enjoy writing but wonder if I actually have a skill to hone or if it is just a fancy of mine.  This is a very rough draft. I haven't even titled it, yet.  Thanks for reading! Jodie

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Kelly. Kelly had long blonde hair, eyes the
color of blueberries, and a happy face and heart. She was young and still lived at home with her
family.
Kelly had lots of dreams and hopes. One of her biggest dreams was to meet a real, live,
princess and see a fancy castle.
At bedtime one night, Kelly’s Mom read a story to Kelly about a princess named
Caroline the Great and a prince named Jordan. Caroline the Great and Jordan were engaged to
be married.
As Kelly listened to the story, her eyes grew heavy and before long, she was fast asleep.
Her Mom quietly closed the book, gave Kelly one last goodnight kiss and left the room.
Kelly quickly began to dream. In her dream, she was standing along the side of the road
alone at sunset. All of a sudden a carriage pulled up next to her and stopped. The carriage
pulled up next to her and stopped. The carriage was made of gold and was covered in precious
jewels and beautiful red roses. There were six white horses pulling the carriage. Each horse had
braided manes and flowers in their braided tails.
Kelly stood still, filled with shock. Slowly, the carriage door was opened. Sitting on the
bench inside was the most beautiful lady that Kelly had ever seen. Her hair was long and brown
but she had a tiara of jewels and flowers in her hair. It was hard to tell which shone brighter, her
fair face or her crown. Her eyes were the deepest green, like glimmering emeralds.
“Hello, I am Catherine the Great, Princess of Galaland. I am on my way to a royal ball.”
“Would you like to join me?”, inquired the royal princess kindly.
“Oh, your majesty! I would enjoy that very much but I fear that I am not properly attired
for such a grand gathering.”, replied Kelly in dismay.
“Have no fear”, answered Catherine, “for the palace we are gong to has closet after
closet full of fancy dress and my maids will have you ready for the fete in no time at all.”, said
Caroline. With that, Kelly bowed gracefully, and returned, “In that case, I am delighted beyond
measure to accompany you, your highness.” said Kelly.
Kelly climbed into the carriage and sat down beside the beautiful Caroline. As they
traveled along, the two girls chatted happily together and soon became the best of friends, even
though the Princess was much older than Kelly.
They discovered that they both had a fondness of flowers, butterflies, dancing, and
music.
Before long, they arrived at the castle. Kelly let out a quiet “oh” when she saw how
stunning it looked. It was more amazing than she had ever imagined it would be. The outer
facade seemed aglow in the setting sun. It looked as if the walls were covered in jewels. And,
as Kelly was soon to find out, they were.
The castle, of the Palace of Splendor, as I was named, was taller than the loftiest tree. It
boasted 127 bedrooms, 60 bathrooms, and a seemingly uncountable number of other rooms.
The palace floors were made of marble and sounded like a chorus of notes as you walked
along them. It seemed as if the castle was serenading you.
On the walls were exquisite paintings. They made the viewer feel as if they were in an
art museum, not a castle.
The furniture was regal but cozy. Sitting in a chair felt like being wrapped in a
comforting embrace.
There was so much to see and take in. Kelly’s senses were overwhelmed. All at once,
she realized that Caroline was standing next to her, patiently waiting for Kelly to snap out of her
daydream like stare.
“Oh, your highness, everything is more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.”,
gushed Kelly. “Thank you,”, replied Caroline. “I am happy you like it. I have something more to
show you.”
Kelly couldn’t believe that there was more to behold than she already viewed. Would the
surprises ever end? She hoped not.
Caroline the Great, led Kelly down a long corridor. At the end of it were two large
golden doors. When she opened them, Kelly came to realize that she was standing in the
Princess’s own room. There were flowers everywhere. In fact, the room smelled like a garden.
Kelly closed her eyes. A smile slowly formed on her face. Kelly was aware of the Princess
smiling at her, even though Kelly couldn’t see her.
“I thought you might like to try on these dresses.”, Caroline offered. Kelly snapped out
of her daydream and began to try on three beautiful gowns.
The first one was a royal purple color with silver sequins around the waist and up and
down the skirt. The sleeves were puffed. The 2 dress was nd blue, like the Robin’s egg. It was
long and trailed behind her by about six feet. The 3rd dress was gold and white. It made the most
fun swishing noise when she walked. After trying them all on, Kelly picked the 3rd dress. She
wore a matching tiara in her upswept hair. Caroline even brought out a diamond necklace with
matching earrings and bracelet.
“Now, close your eyes. I’ll count to three and turn you around to face the mirror so you
can see yourself.”, Caroline said cheerfully.
Covering her eyes, Kelly waited excitedly. “One, two, three,” “Now, turn around and
open your eyes.”
Kelly gasped with amazement when she saw her reflection in the mirror. There before
her stood the most beautiful princess she had ever seen. Only, it wasn’t a princess, it was her
own reflection and she couldn’t believe it.
“That’s me?”,she asked in amazement. “Yes, that’s you. You look beautiful. But, I
always thought you were, even when you were just standing by the roadside.” , said Caroline.
“Oh, thank you, your highness! I shall never forget your kindness to me!”, replied Kelly.
“It’s time for the ball. Are you ready to your royal debut?”, Caroline asked. “Yes, I can’t
wait another minute! I feel as if I could just fly right out the door!”, exclaimed Kelly.
The ballroom was filled with flowers and fancifully decorated banquet tables. There
were foods and drinks enough to feed more than 1,000 people. Any kind of delicacy you could
have hoped for was there and there in vast amounts.
At the ends of the room, were two stages. One stage held the royal chairs of the King and
Queen, where they now sat, smiling at the festivities.
On the other stage was an entire symphony. The conductor was attired just as regally as
the noblemen and women were themselves.
Along the walls were rows of chairs for those who preferred to sit and watch or simply
for anyone needing a place to rest.
Music filled the air and seemed to dance and sway with the aromas that ascended from
the banquet table. The atmosphere was saturated with joy and merriment.
Royal couple after couple danced past Kelly and Caroline the Great. A voice from
behind jarred their thoughts. “May I be the 1st to greet our esteemed guest?”, the harmless voice
asked. The girls turned to face a handsome young prince. He was taller than either of them. His
hair was thick and curly. It was the color of chestnuts. His eyes sparkled and it was like looking
into a glass of root beer when you saw them.
“This is Prince Jordan. We are engaged to marry next month. Jordan, this is my new
friend, Kelly.”, explained Caroline.
Kelly bowed, as did Prince Jordan. “I’m delighted to meet you.”, she said to him.
“Would you care to dance?”, asked the Prince, turning to Kelly.
“Yes! I can’t believe this is happening! I must be dreaming!”, Kelly gushed.
They spun all around the dance floor together for what felt like hours.
Suddenly, everything went black. Kelly found herself in her room at home and in bed.
She looked around. Gone were the dancers. Gone were the musicians. Everything was gone.
Kelly’s door opened and her Mom walked in. “Did you sleep good, honey?”, she asked.
“Oh yes, Mom! I had the most wonderful dream! It all seemed so real! Come sit down next to
me and I’ll tell you all about it!”, Kelly replied excitedly.
Her Mom began to sit on the bed next to Kelly and quickly popped back up. “Kelly!
What in the world are you hiding under that blanket?”, she said, rubbing her sore back side. .
“What?”, Kelly said confused.
Pulling aside the blanket, Kelly found a gold and white tiara laying there. A note was
next to it that read: “Thanks for a fun time, wear this and think of me. Your friend, Caroline.”
Kelly and her Mom just stared at one another, too stunned to speak. Eventually, Kelly
told her Mom everything that happened in her dream.
Kelly is grown now but she still has that tiara. She remembers the dream often and
wonders if she’ll ever find out if it was merely a dream or something real.
The End.

Here comes Fall

Fall is a month away. Yet, I find myself getting excited to greet my favorite season.  I'm ready for crisp Fall air.  I'm ready to breathe in the smell of colored leaves and hear the crunch of leaves under foot.  I thought that instead of writing about all the reasons I embrace Fall, I'd post some pictures instead. They speak so much better than I do.

Summer 2011

It's been a busy summer so far.  The first week of vacation was full of Doc. appts.  and car appointments.  We have our last appointment of the summer later today when the kids go for their dentist visit.  Yay! So glad to have our appts out of the way soon!  The week of June 20th, we had our 2 local  nephews come over every day (except Mon). We stayed busy that week!  It was a pretty good week and the cousins enjoyed having lots of cousin time. 
     We did a family camp out in our backyard that weekend, too. It was fun to sleep out in the tent, cook hot dogs over the fire pit and have smores. We stayed up pretty late and were so exhausted the next day!  Eddie worked a lot of OT in June, including weekends.  In fact, he worked 13 days straight before he finally had a day off...and then spent the following day off, fighting a bad migraine.  So, June was good, but long.  We were definitely ready for our trip to Landrum SC to visit Granny come July 1st
   We drove to Landrum and made good time. It only took 10 1/2 hrs to get there. We had a lot of family time while we were there. We got to visit with Granny, Uncle Pat, and Uncle Jim. We would have like to see more family and friends but the trip was just too short and too busy.  It was hard to say goodbye on the 9th when it was time to go. The trip back took slightly longer because we stopped for longer periods and had more traffic but we made it home in 11 hrs.  
  This week, the week of July 11th, we're having our 2 nephews stay again.  Kim drops them off every morning around 7 am and they stay until around 4pm.  It's been a fun week so far. We've been to a local pet store that has sting rays to pet, went to a petting zoo, had an indoor picnic, swam in our neighbors pool, toured the Herr's factory, played outside and had a pretty good time overall.  The cousins get to join us for our dentist visit today but that should be ok. There are lots of toys there.  Tomorrow, Fri, will wrap up our time together and I think we'll probably hit the local park for a  picnic and time in the creek. They can spend hours doing that!!!  
   The last two weeks of July don't have a lot happening. We're looking forward to celebrating Barry (my brother in law) as he rings in 40  years soon.  Kim is throwing a bash for him and it should be lots of fun!  
   August brings in a dear friend from NC to visit. She'll be with us the first week of August.  We're also looking forward to witnessing Kim and Barry get baptized in a local creek the first Sat in August. It's been awesome to see them growing in the Lord and now taking this step.  I'm proud of them. They're an amazing example to me!  We'll be celebrating Amanda and Michaela's birthdays in August as well.  I can't believe that they'll be 7 and 11!  Time flies! 
   There are some other birthdays in the family this summer, too.  Our nephew, Caleb had a birthday in June.  My other nephew, Matthew has a birthday next week!  Our niece, Hannah will have a birthday in August. Also in August, Aiden has a birthday. In September, Kieran will have his birthday. So, lots of birthdays between June and September!!  I'm not sure how everyone will celebrate the birthdays, but it's fun to see everyone growing up!
   Well, that's an update so far. I guess I should mention that my BRACA testing came back negative so that means that I don't carry the gene for breast and ovarian cancer that my Mom carries. It doesn't mean that I won't develop cancer but that I'm not genetically predisposed to it.  Also, my recent mammograms and ultrasounds came back clear.  As long as I'm updating our health, I should mention that Michaela is now wearing glasses and has transitioned into wearing them pretty well.  Hopefully, she'll do fine in MS with them in the Fall.  
  I hope everyone else is having a good Summer!  I hope to update again later but at least you have a glimpse into our Summer now.  

Friendship

My mind has been on friendship for a long time now.  I've been thinking about it a lot and I was ready to start complaining here about friends but I think I'll list the things that I love about my friends, instead.

1. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, I know I can count on my friends to be there if I need them.
2. My friends don't care if I'm fat, thin, pretty, ugly, fashionable, mismatched, rich, or poor, they know the real me and accept me as I am.
3. My friends aren't afraid to tell me like it is, in love, and to help steer me toward truth.
4. My friends are willing to be open and honest and share their hurts and let me try to help them through their trials.
5. If I call them, they call me back.
6. If I contact them, through email, FB, or other means, they take the time to get back to me.
7. Even though their lives are hectic, they make time for me.
8. When they say they'll do something, they do it. I can count on them.
9.  If we don't always agree on something, it's ok.  We don't need to agree.
10. They're not afraid to be real and deep. It's ok to show each other that we don't have it all together.

That's just some of the things that I love about my friends.  I am so thankful that God has placed some true friends in my life and I am honored to be their friend. I hope that as my life goes through various stages, that my friendships will grow, too. I hope that I can reach out in love and make new friends and even strengthen the bonds of existing friendships.  If you're a friend of mine as you read this, thank you for being  you and being part of my life.  What a blessing a friendship can be in this world!